Friday, February 27, 2015

Cards Against Humanity - My Deck

I'm working on my Cards Against Humanity deck, and this is my "write-in" card list. I've culled every official CAH expansion, main pack versions, holiday packs, spinoff card decks (Crabs Adjust Humidity, etc.), and friends' decks. I still need 38 more white cards. Halp?




QUESTION CARDS: 
All players discard and re-draw 2 cards. Current Card Czar plays the next black card.
All players discard and re-draw 3 cards. Current Card Czar plays the next black card.
All players discard and re-draw 4 cards. Current Card Czar plays the next black card.

_____ ain't nothin' to fuck with.
_____ is neither amiable nor congenial.
_____ is the new black.
_____: Ain't nobody got time for that!
_____? _____? A Jedi craves not these things.
_____. Not even once.
_____. The other white meat.
_____. There's an app for that!
9-1-1, what's your emergency?
Disney presents _____ On Ice!
Everything changed with the _____ nation attacked.
Fuck the Zombie Apocalypse! What about the impending _____ Apocalypse!?
Give me liberty or give me _____.
How did I get this restraining order?
How did I get through college?
How did I spend my inheritance?
I missed it. What did my Patonus look like?
I would rather live in _____ than live in Detroit.
I'm so hungry I could eat _____.
I'm straight but _____ could turn me gay.
I've got a fever and the only prescription is more _____.
I’m a missionary with the Church of _____. Have you heard the Gospel of _____?
Indiana Jones and the Temple of _____.
It rubs the _____ on it's skin or it gets the hose again.
It took seven years in a remote Tibetan monastery, but I finally learned the art of _____.
It’s the first of May, first of May. _____ starts today.
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is _____.
My ______ brings all the _______ to the yard.
No wood? We'll have to build a raft out of _____.
Now it's time for Korben to say the word of the day.
On the 8th day, God created _____, and it was good.
Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, _______
The best Christmas gift that Grandma ever gave me was _____.
The most effective form of birth control is _____.
The road to hell is paved with _____.
There's nothing like the smell of _____ in the morning.
They found _____ in the dumpster behind the abortion clinic.
What doomed my marriage?
What makes Fred Phelps hard?
What the fuck is your problem?
What's my safe word?
Who needs friends when you have _____?
Why am I banned from Chuck E. Cheese?
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of _____.


ANSWER CARDS: 

70's bush.
A beat so fresh, it just might destroy the universe.
A big black dildo covered in AXE Body Spray.
A box full of Tribbles.
A crying stripper.
A day care Fight Club.
A Fleshlight full of thumbtacks.
A jar of peanut butter, a hungry dog, and no one around to judge you.
A little glass vial.
A mediocre dominatrix.
A proctologist with abnormally girthy fingers.
A rug that really ties the room together.
A snuggie with a dick-hole.
A stripper with a mild case of Down Syndrome.
A xylophone made out of Holocaust bones.
Abstinence.
Accidentally committing a hate crime.
Accidentally sexting your mom.
Accidentally visiting a crack house.
Alan Turing's last blowjob.
An entire bottle of Jägermeister.
Anal seepage.
Autoerotic asphyxiation.
Axl Rose.
Beating red headed-stepchildren for fun and for sport.
Beating Rodney King.
Captain Jack Harkness.
David Bowie flying in on a tiger made of lightning.
Deadpool
Dihydrogen Monoxide.
Disgruntled Apple fanboys.
Donkey shows.
Editing Wikipedia to win an argument.
Euthanasia.
Felicia Day.
Filling every pouch of a UtiliKilt™ with pizza.
Finding out it’s pity sex.
Finding out you’re actually cousins.
Fingerbanging Tinkerbell to death.
Forgetting the safe word.
Forgetting the safe word.
Genital warts.
Ghandi hopped up on PCP and looking for a fight.
Girls who shouldn't go wild.
Going against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
Hello Kitty.
Hitachi Magic Wand.
Honey Boo Boo shotgunning a 2-liter of "go go juice".
Huffing paint in the bathroom to the sound of REO Speedwagon.
Ignoring the Prime Directive.
Invading Poland.
Kissing my hot cousin.
M-m-mocking s-s-stutterers.
Malaysian Flight 370
Miley Cyrus twerking.
Mjölnir, hammer of Thor.
Motherfucking Cthulu.
Mr. Miyagi.
Murka.
My pretty floral bonnet.
My windowless white van.
Neil DeGrasse Tyson.
Not using enough lube.
Our homeless veterans.
Paula Deen, covered in butter, shouting the N-Word.
Paying for porn.
Playing Steve-O to narrate your life.
Pronouncing "quinoa" properly.
Prostate orgasms.
Putting a hobo to the sword.
Rand Paul's daddy issues.
Raptor Jesus.
Reading the comments.
Sasha Grey and her trinity of penis-ravaged orifices.
Secretly feeding Cody bacon.
Soulless gingers.
Sucking the president's dick.
Swingers
That "not-so-fresh" feeling.
The Bechdel Test
The boner hatch in the Iron Man suit.
The episode of Full House where Uncle Jesse and Uncle Joey took turns plowing Kimmy Gibbler.
The rage that comes from hearing Link called Zelda.
The Slap Chop™.
The White Anglo Saxon Imperialist agenda.
The Wu-Tang Clan.
Thor, God of Thunder.
Toddler-sized coffins.
Twincest.
Twister at the leper colony.
Using 4Chan for parenting advice.
Using Taco Bell hot sauce as lube.
Van Gogh's severed ear.
Wil Wheaton crashing an actual spaceship.
Winning a drag race against Paul Walker.
Women in yoga pants.
Your vestigial tail.
Zyklon B.

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