Friday, January 17, 2014

Bartender Stories

Friend of mine, in Boston: At some point, refusing a clearly fake ID won't make me feel like an asshole. Right?

Me: It should NOT make you feel like an asshole. They are assholes for not trying harder.

Seriously, good fakes don't even cost that much.

Friday, January 10, 2014

Headlines of the Week (Or Whatever)

So a friend was asking me about haikus and I was explaining that it isn't just about sallables, but has to have a thematic structure, nature references, etc. This led me to Google, as everything does, and I ended up reading all about constrained writing and then on into morning! I mean, all kinds of places, including:

"Colorless green ideas sleep furiously" is an example of a sentence that is grammatically correct, but semantically nonsensical.

Lion-Eating Poet in the Stone Den is a 92-character modern poem written in Classical Chinese, in which every syllable has the sound shi (in different tones) when read in modern Mandarin Chinese.

"Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo" is a grammatically correct sentence. Yes, really.

And you can use constrained writing to send a secret message.

And of course, the xkcd comic in which Munroe describes a spacecraft using only the most common words.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Headlines of the Week (Or Whatever)

When “Life Hacking” Is Really White Privilege: Personal Development gurus can get away with whatever they want, so why can’t you?

Birth Control Sabotage as Domestic Violence: A Legal Response

Why Is the NYPL Hosting Convicted Rapist Mike Tyson? Or, Why the fuck is anyone paying any attention whatsofuckingever to rapist Mike Tyson? This article clearly outlines my thoughts.

CDC Data WTF? On Number of Sexual Partners
Median number of female sexual partners in lifetime, for men 25-44 years of age, 2006-2008: 6.1
Median number of male sexual partners in lifetime, for women 25-44 years of age, 2006-2008: 3.6

Okay, so the average man sleeps with 6 women and the average woman sleeps with 4 men. In their entire life. What? Okay, maybe I'm just a big slut. Whatever. It's cool; I'm sex-positive, haha.

Finally, when I read articles, websites generally suggest articles. Here's one such list of suggestions:

Thursday, December 26, 2013

My best friend died today.

My best friend died today. She was 27 years old. We've been best friends for fifteen years. She leaves behind my godchildren and her loving mother. I miss her already.
Our last trip together, last summer. We'd been talking about getting matching tattoos for years, and we finally splurged and did it. We intended on having them added to every year, on her birthday, until they were huge and fabulous.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Bartender Stories

At an Irish wedding reception, the DJ directed all of the married men to stand beside the person who made their life worth living... The bartender was nearly crushed.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Bartender Stories

A guy walks into a bar, but everyone else runs outside. He follows to see what's going on. Everyone's pointing to the roof of a nearby building, around 10 stories in height. A man is on top of the roof, and without warning, he jumps. Miraculously, he survives. The guy, amazed at this, rushes up to the jumper and says, "Holy shit, how did you do that?!" The jumper replies, "Oh man it's easy, just down a pint of beer in one go, and jump ASAP. It's simple." The guy rushes back to the bar, buys a beer off the bartender, and tells the bartender to follow him. The guy climbs to the top of the building, downs his pint, jumps, and dies, instantly. The bartender turns to the Jumper and says, "You're a real dick when you're drunk, Superman."

Friday, December 13, 2013

Headlines of the Week (Or Whatever)

Gangster Bankers: Too Big to Jail; How HSBC hooked up with drug traffickers and terrorists. And got away with it.

Apple dodges $9.2 billion tax bill, could have funded majority of sequester.

ArmyTimes Report: VA lobotomized 2,000 disturbed veterans

Old school vs. new school as academic publishers brawl over Web
A startup hip to the ways of the Web and a publishing rival from pre-Net days are trying to teach each other a lesson. It's a tussle involving research papers and the Digital Millennium Copyright Act.

What Nelson Mandela's life tells us about the legitimacy of "democratic nations